


No Words - A Berena imagining

by zizis



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:05:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zizis/pseuds/zizis
Summary: What I would like to happen when a certain Ms Wolfe returns from Kiev....





	

**Author's Note:**

> First ever fanfic so hope I've got it right......

Serena leant across her desk to close down her computer for the day. A last minute email check. Nothing. Three days now and still nothing. Her jaw clenched.

The door to her office opened and softly clicked closed.

“Serena.”

Serena did not look up. There was no need.

“You ?”

“Yes,” came the whisper back.

Still she did not look up from her now blank computer screen. There was after all no need to visually identify the speaker. There was a silence as she tried to steady her thoughts, and her body. Then slowly, almost inaudibly, but so clearly it cut the very air.

“How dare you.”

“Serena…”

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done ?”

“I didn’t….” Bernie Wolfe trailed off into helpless silence. Then, “I’m sorry.”

Only then did Serena look up at her. Her face set and furious, her voice low and steady.

“And that’s it ? You kiss me, turn my world inside out, and then bugger off to Kiev. I once called you fearless, Major Wolfe. But I was wrong. You’re not. You’re a coward. You terrified me. But I didn’t run. I allowed myself to examine my feelings, to fall in love with you. And what did you do ? You ran away as fast as you could.”

“I …”

“Not yet you don’t. I haven’t finished.” Her voiced raised slightly. Bernie did not move. Serena walked towards her until they were face to face. She continued.

“You said you cared about me. What does that even mean to you ? In my book it doesn’t mean leaving without a word of explanation. It doesn’t mean letting me humiliate myself in front of the whole department as I beg you stay. It doesn’t mean abandoning me to the gossip and titters of the entire hospital. It doesn’t mean no word at all whilst you’re away. It doesn’t mean choosing to stay on because you are too afraid to come back once the job was done.”

“I ….” Bernie trailed off hopelessly again.

“You hurt me Berenice Wolfe. You hurt me very badly.”

This time Bernie had to find some words. She couldn’t bear the anguish she recognised in Serena’s eyes. 

“I’m so sorry Serena. You’re right. I’m a coward. Always have been where love’s concerned. I ….” She trailed off again.

“I want to hate you. I want to shut you out of my life.” Serena paused. “But…” her heart pounding in her chest, she closed her eyes, “ …instead I find I want to hold your naked body next to mine for the rest of time.”

Bernie felt her legs begin to buckle, and she pressed herself back against the closed door to steady herself. Not for the first time she thought to herself, “Oh God. What have I done ?”

Serena had not meant to say those last words. But with Bernie standing there before her, she realised the very truth of them. She couldn’t stop loving her, wanting her, even in her rage and pain. The raw honesty of what she had said had surprised her. She drew back. Softly, resigned, she said, “ I can’t forgive you Bernie.”

It was the first time she had addressed her as Bernie. Bernie saw the wave of defeat wash over Serena. She wanted to scoop her up, save her, protect her, reassure her, love her. But Bernie was Bernie. So tough on the outside. So afraid on the inside. Afraid to open up even to Serena – the woman she loved.

“Serena….please. I need to explain. But….not here. Can we go somewhere ?”

Serena toyed with the chain of her necklace, thinking. What ? What to do ? 

“Not Albies,” was all she could muster.

“Ok. Somewhere private ?”

“Not mine. Jason.”

“Ok. Mine then. I’ll drive.”

Serena nodded.

*************

The twenty minute journey was conducted in complete silence. Serena couldn’t help think of the journey this might have been, one of promise and anticipation, had not Bernie instead turned tail and fled that night seven weeks ago. A wave of sadness swelled up in her again and she closed her eyes lest a tear escape. She had to hold herself together.

They entered the lounge of Bernie’s flat. Still no word uttered between them. Bernie broke the silence, “Drink ?”

“No thank you,” Serena replied. In other times such a reply would have been a cause for mirth. Serena Campbell turning down a drink. But not today. Nothing to dull the pain.

Bernie gestured for her to sit down on the sofa. Bernie perched awkwardly on the edge of the armchair opposite. She took a deep breath. And began.

“I’m not good at love. I break it, mess it up. Marcus, the children, Alex, all of them. You….I want to but….I can’t. I….” she trailed off again. She couldn’t find the words. For all her weeks away, for all the time she had thought of little else but Serena. She wanted to be able to give herself to this most remarkable of women, to open up to her. But where were the words ?

Serena waited. Said nothing. Bernie was going to have to do this without her help. 

Bernie stood up and moved to directly in front of Serena. Her eyes met Serena’s. Serena was held by the intensity of her stare, and she barely registered at first that as she stood before her Bernie was unbuttoning the buttons of her shirt. Slowly, one by one, top button first, never wavering from looking at Serena, she let the shirt slip from her shoulders to the floor. Serena swallowed. Her mouth felt dry. 

Bernie kicked off her shoes. She unbuttoned the fly of her trousers, let them fall and stepped out of them. She reached behind her back, undid the clasp of her bra and let it drop to the pile of clothes below. Pausing. And then she stepped out of her underwear.

She stood before Serena, naked. She said nothing. Finally Serena dared to move her gaze from Bernie’s eyes and looked at the woman standing naked before her. The slim but strong physique. She swallowed hard again. The long scar bisecting her chest down the middle, from her surgery when she arrived at Holby. The patchwork of smaller scars, probably the result of the IED. The swell of her breasts; the clear definition of her clavicle; the taught muscles of her stomach; and… And then she understood. She understood that Bernie stood before her, not in an attempt to seduce her, but because Bernie could not find the words. Bernie was asking nothing from her. This was Bernie’s apology. This was as open, as vulnerable, as Bernie could make herself.

And still Bernie stood. In silence. This was her message. Her naked body. This is who I am. Strong, scarred, and scared. But here I am. And I am yours – if you want me.

And Serena did want her. She wanted her with every fibre of her being. She stood up to move directly in front of Bernie. Their eyes met and held each other. And Serena said, 

“Take me to bed Bernie.”

Bernie said nothing. She took Serena’s hand and wordlessly led her from the room.

****************

It was only when they reached the bedroom that they finally kissed. As Bernie led Serena into the room, Serena paused and gently pulled Bernie towards her. She leant forward and took Bernie’s head in both her hands and gently touched her lips to Bernie’s. There was a breath between them and then….their mouths were open and pressed wildly against each other, their arms wrapping round each other pulling the other closer, tightly, desperately.

Bernie pushed Serena’s open shirt from her shoulders, her camisole over her head. Serena pushed her shoes from her feet, undid her trousers, grabbed Bernie’s hand and slid it down to touch her. Serena’s head was spinning. She could think of nothing else but now. Bernie could feel how much Serena wanted her. She pushed her back onto the bed and dragged her glistening knickers from her, parting her legs with her own. Serena felt as though her pounding heart had slid down through her body to between her legs, as if her very core had shifted. And then she felt Bernie cup her, stroke her and slide inside her. Bernie’s mouth was on hers. She felt lost and found. Her moans, Bernie’s moans.

Bernie moved her fingers in and out of Serena, curling and coaxing. She circled and gently rubbed her. She felt Serena move her hips, rising towards her, urgently, drawing her in. She wanted to bury herself in Serena. She felt Serena’s breath and rhythm quicken. She heard her name repeated in Serena’s gasps. Then, “Oh God !”. 

Serena came. Hard. She held her as the breaths and tremors slowed. She pulled back to look at Serena. Serena held her gaze. Too much. Bernie had to come too. Urgently. 

Bernie reached for her own centre, astride Serena’s leg, wet with uncontrollable longing, and furiously began to touch herself, never shifting from Serena’s gaze. She bucked and groaned against Serena’s leg and Serena had never seen anything so raw and so magnificent. Her own arousal built again and without looking away from Bernie she too reached down to touch herself.

As Bernie’s climax burst, she bit down on her lip, a moan escaping deep from within her. Seeing her lover come, tipped Serena over the edge again and she gasped and shook as Bernie collapsed next to her.

And then, as they lay side by side, their limbs still entangled, Bernie saw a smile break across Serena’s face. And she smiled back. Her hand reached up through Serena’s hair and stroked the back of her neck. She gently kissed the creases at the edge of Serena’s smile.

“I love you Serena Campbell,” she said.

Bernie had found the words.


End file.
